Last night while reading another blog, I read a post that blew me away. Karissa of Prissy Green passed away due to taking her own life. I did not know her personally but her blog is one that I frequented to enter giveaways and to get information on how to live more naturally. Her blog was a wealth of information and her bright personality shined through in her writings. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone affected by this deep loss.
I won't go into great detail because there are some people who troll my blog just to get dirt on me, but I've been through the darkened road of suicidal thoughts before. I don't know what pain Karissa was in to make her feel this was the best decision for her, but I know the pain can be real. It eats at you. It makes you hurt. It makes you feel alone.
There was once a point in my life where the world tumbled down on me and I was positive there was nothing or no one that could help me. Not only was I not sure that I wanted to live, my body wasn't sure either. I became a real life robot, with nothing but a blank hole inside. I lost weight and would stop breathing for short periods of time. My mind hated myself and so did my body.
Acute clinical depression and OCD became my diagnoses.
I was at war with myself for a long time. God took over and brought a series of events into my life to show that things would be okay. It wasn't an overnight change but I soon came to realize that there is a light at the end of the darkened tunnel. I am a better person today and am no longer plagued with those thoughts or actions.
My line of work has also brought upon coming in contact with those who call for help or those who call to inform that a life has ended. These calls, at times, affect me personally because I want to scream and shake that person who calls for help and make them honestly believe that it really will be okay. And to hear the screams and hysterical cries of those who've found a loved hits at the core.
PLEASE, PLEASE .....if you ever feel that the world is okay without you, know that you are horribly wrong. Know that there are resources and people who will and want to help. And know that you're not the only one who's been through this profound pain. But most of all, know that God will see you through and it really will get better. Sometimes bad things happen to open the door for even better and greater things.